The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
