His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
