Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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