I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
