blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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