Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i think im in europe. pls send help
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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