I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
