Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
