i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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