i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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