If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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