Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
