If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
