I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize