These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
