Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
