So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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