My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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