I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
