she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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