why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
