I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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