you didnt know i had herpes?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
