Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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