these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
