If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
