So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize