I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
