why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
