im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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