I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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