You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Green mimosas i think yes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
