It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
