Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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