The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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