If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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