it wasn't lemon gatorade
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize