census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
