i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
