he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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