Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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