After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
