somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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