thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
