I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
