I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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