I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
