Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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