I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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