i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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