I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
