Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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