It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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