I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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