I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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