so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
