u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
