I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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