Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
