Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she looked like the before picture.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
