Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
