Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
