Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
