No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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