ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
