I think scott just propositioned me for sex
only you would photoshop your dick
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
