hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
