What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
