I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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